Super Tuesday Sets Up Biden-Sanders Battle, Bloomberg Drops Out: A Closer Look

Super Tuesday Sets Up Biden-Sanders Battle, Bloomberg Drops Out: A Closer Look


-Joe Biden had a big night
on Super Tuesday, setting up a two-person
race with Bernie Sanders for the Democratic nomination. For more on this,
it’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ] It’s worth remembering just how
high the stakes of this Democratic primary are,
because right as Democrats are deciding who
the nominee will be, we’re also dealing with a
national health emergency over the spread of the
coronavirus and a president who is totally unequipped
to handle it. Today, for example,
President Trump spoke with reporters
at the White House about measures people can take
to prevent the spread of the virus and said this. -We’re always saying the common
sense of washing your hands, not touching your face. -I haven’t touched
my face in weeks. In weeks.
I miss it. -Alright, first of all,
that can’t be true otherwise how did this happen? I mean, if you didn’t put all
that bronzer on your face, how did it get there? It looks like he went to Sephora
for a free makeup tutorial and it just went horribly wrong. Second,
I would just like to say, you may not
have touched your face but I would love
to touch your face, just to see
what the texture is like. Is it like a sponge
or an old pancake? When you press on it,
does it bounce back like a foam mattress? Or did you get stuck
in place like silly putty? I guess what I’m asking,
if I rolled your face on a comic strip, would I be
able to see Calvin and Hobbs? [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] More importantly, there’s been
a lack of widespread national testing
for the coronavirus in the United States compared
to other countries due in large part to the Trump
administration’s lack of preparation
and the government’s slow and inept response. One expert called
it a national scandal, so you’ll never guess
who Trump blamed it on today. -The Obama administration made a
decision on testing that turned out to be very
detrimental to what we’re doing. And we undid that decision a few
days ago so that the testing can take place in a much more
accurate and rapid fashion. -He actually did it.
He found a way to blame the coronavirus on Barack Obama. Dude, Obama’s been out of office
for over three years. Let it go. the man’s been wind surfing,
white water rafting, and from the looks of him,
playing a Hollywood agent in a remake of “Entourage.” [ Laughter and applause ] You know, probably called
“Obamtourage.” [ Laughter ] Seriously, who’s Trump going
to blame next? Hillary Clinton? “I heard a rumor that one
of Hillary’s missing e-mails had the subject line ‘Secret
plan to spread coronavirus.'” Now, last night’s results
were definitely surprising. It seemed unlikely just a week
ago while Bernie Sanders, who won the popular vote
in the first three states, still managed to win big
delegate hulls in places like California. Joe Biden catapulted
from his huge victor in South Carolina to win
blowouts in the South and surprising victories in
places like Texas and Minnesota. And you could tell things
were going well for him because when he took the stage
in L.A. to celebrate last night, he was so giddy, he apparently
confused his wife who was on his right with his
sister who was on his left. -By the way, this my little
sister, Valerie, and I’m Jill’s husband. Oh, no, no.
Wait a second. Oh, you switched on me. This is my wife,
this is my sister. They switched on me.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, boy, Joe!
Oh, boy. You don’t — you never —
you never — one of the first rules
of politics, you never want to confuse
your wife and your sister unless you’re starring
in a reality show on TLC. Now, there are a lot
of takeaways from the results last night,
but one thing I think we can enjoy is the fact that
ex-Republican billionaire Mike Bloomberg had to drop out
today after spending $500 million in an attempt
to buy the election. In the end, he only won one
contest and it wasn’t even in one
of the 50 states. -A disappointing night
for Michael Bloomberg. He only won one territory,
American Samoa and its four delegates despite
spending nearly $500 million. -That’s right. He only won one
caucus in American Samoa. These results were so bad
for Bloomberg he said “screw it” and drank a Big Gulp
while smoking a cigarette inside a bar.
[ Laughter ] Bloomberg spent half
a billion dollars and all he got was a nationally
televised atomic wedgie from Elizabeth Warren
in the debates. And even though super Tuesday
didn’t go the way she wanted, we owe Warren a debt
of gratitude for single handedly annihilating
the Bloomberg campaign. Elizabeth Warren devoured him
in those debates like the T-Rex
from “Jurassic Park.” -I’d like to talk about
who we’re running against, a billionaire who calls
women fat broads and horse-faced lesbians. And, no, I’m not talking
about Donald Trump. I’m talking
about Mayor Bloomberg. [ T-Rex screeches ]
-[ Screams ] -And honestly —
[ Cheers and applause ] honestly I’m just shocked he did so poorly
because Bloomberg is such a talented
charismatic politician. Here he was yesterday on the
campaign trail busting out some very advanced Spanish
during a Q&A with reporters. -You spent a lot of time
in Texas. What’d you —
-Tehas we say here. -What’d you say?
-Tehas. -Tehas?
-That’s Spanish for Texas. -Okay. -[ Speaking Spanish ] Oh, really. Is Tehas Spanish for Texas? Thanks a lot, Miguel. That’s Spanish for Michael. [ Laughter ] So the short lived Bloomberg
experiment is now at the end thanks in large part
to Elizabeth Warren. And now after
the Super Tuesday results, the race is narrowed to two candidates,
Biden and Sanders. And, for the voters
and the media, there seems to be one
overwhelming obsession in this race. A word you’ve heard
so many times it probably haunts
you in your sleep. -Electability has been prized
by Democratic voters over and above any policy issue. -The race clearly
is about electability. -Yes.
-This has the electability since day one. -The electability argument. -His electability argument. -I have the electability case. -The electability question
of the evening. -It’s about that electability. -People keep talking
about electability. -All they’re focused on
is electability. -Electability.
-Electability. -Electability.
-Electability. -I’m pretty sure electability
is Wolf Blitzer’s safe word, which is interesting because
mine is Wolf Blitzer. [ Laughter ] Never had to use it,
and, honestly, it’s insane that we’re still
talking about electability three years
into the presidency of the least electable person
in the history of elections. I mean, Donald Trump is like
a lab experiment where a bunch of scientists
got together and tried to create the most
unelectable candidate possible. I mean, they combine the racism
of George Wallace with the corruption
of Bernie Madoff, the trench coat of a mob boss, and the tan line
of a Hairless Sphynx. [ Laughter and applause The point is we have
no way of knowing who’s the most electable. Just vote for whoever you think would make the best president. So now Democratic Party leaders have rallied around Biden
as the supposedly electable alternative
to Bernie Sanders. Several former candidates came
out in the waning hours before Super Tuesday
to close ranks around Biden. And at a rally for Biden
in Texas, former Congressman Beto O’Rourke even busted out
some of his trademark Spanish. -We have now seen,
even in just the last 24 hours, this cascade of critical
endorsements coming to back Joe Biden
in what has amounted to a really rapid reset
in this race. Just in the last day,
more than 125 endorsements. -Today I am ending my campaign and endorsing Joe Biden
for president. -I’m delighted to endorse and
support Joe Biden for president. -On behalf of every one
of the 254 counties of this great state,
we welcome Dr. Jill Biden and Vice President Joe Biden,
el próximo presidente de los Estados Unidos aquí
con nosotros este momento. -And I guess it’d make sense
Beto would bust out some Spanish, because after all
he was in… -Tehas.
-So… [ Laughter ] The so-called moderates — [ Applause ] the so-called moderates
in the party joined forces to stop Bernie, which prompted
cable news pundits to lead on any relevant pop culture reference
they could think of. First CNN tried a riff
on “The Avengers.” -What we saw last night
is something I have to say
I have never seen before. This sea of endorsements
by former candidates all at the last minute
before a key day. Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar,
Beto O’Rourke, all endorsing Joe Biden. -It was the great moderate
Avengers coming together. -Political Avengers.
-Who cares about the — Yeah, we’re talking about
“Avengers.” It was all of them
combined together to get the stones from Thanos. I thought Thanos was Trump, but apparently
it’s Bernie Sanders. -Alright, first of all, Bernie
is definitely not Thanos. Second, if the moderates
are the Avengers, that would make Joe Biden
Chris Evans at the end of “Endgame.” [ Laughter ] And then there were Republican
pundits like former Bush administration official
and Iraq war champion David Frum who used this
insulting analogy to describe the difference
between Biden and Bernie voters. -Joe Biden appeals to people
who pay their cable bills on the day it arrives. Bernie Sanders appeals
to people who may forget to pay their cable bill
entirely. -Alright,
not only is that insulting, but also who needs cable
anymore? Just cut the cord. You know, personally all I watch
is Netflix, HBO and none of the adult channels. Although Hustler TV does have
a great election coverage on their political roundtable
show “Erect-ability.” [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] And then CNN tried a different
analogy to offer perspective from the Bernie side by citing
“Star Wars.” -I’m hearing a lot of joy
and also a lot of pain from, you know,
different sets of friends. On the one hand, I think there’s
a joy that there has been this consolidation
for the moderate lane. But on the other hand, you do
have another set of Democrats who feel like this
is the Empire striking back. -I’m not sure I’d describe
the moderates as the Empire. If you gave Joe Biden
a lightsaber, he’d immediately
cut his own leg off and make a bunch
of dad jokes about it. “How’d I do that?
Well, I’m stumped. [ Laughter ] My wife liked it.
Oh, my sister.” [ Laughter ] So the race is now dramatically
changed from where it was just one week ago
with Biden ahead of Bernie by about 50 delegates. As we tape this,
it’s now a two-person race with a clear contrast
between the moderate and progressive wings
of the party. And no matter who gets
the nomination, they’ll be going up against
a guy who’s biggest accomplishment
in three years is this. -I haven’t touched
my face in weeks. -This has been “A Closer Look.” [ Cheers and applause ]

100 comments

  1. Unlike Seth Trump is funny! Trump has handled this very well! He’s talking about the program Obummer set up! Bias TV! How’s Biden gonna run the country from a nursing home?

  2. Buddy…you are NOT funny . rather pathetic actually . who write's that trash for you . thank God for laugh tracks .

  3. Bernie's going to be the lead to the slaughterhouse again, But this time it will be along with the Democratic Party. They are gone by 2021….bye bye

  4. Continuing to attempt to erase Tulsi Gabbard an active veteran minority woman who is still running is shameful. She has been the most vocal on combating the Coronavirus..learn her name

  5. 👊👊👊 TRUMP AND PENCE 2020 👊👊👊 NOT SOCIALISM👊👊 NOT COMMUNIST👊👊 NOT OPEN BORDERS 👊👊

  6. This guy is brilliant! Trump is so masterful at gettin libs all riled up. It's just absolutely amazing to watch how easy libs make it for him, too! He knows precisely what he's doing, and saying, and you guys are eatin it up! It's AMAZING!! Please don't stop. It's been great entertainment thus far. Thank you…

  7. President Trump is going to grind either one of these guys into a pulp. Biden doesn't even know what office he's running for, and Bernie is a communist. Trump 2020.

  8. Biden won’t win. They need Bernie or they won’t win. I think this is rigged or even liberals would rather have trump

  9. I love and agree with his take on this "new epidemic ".. you idiots forget about killer bees, anthrax, bird flu, swine flu, west nile, and so on… Its media hype during an election year. Corona will be gone in 3 weeks and wont be brought up until cinco de mayo 2020….

  10. So we need to worry about the spread of disease but don’t give a fvck about sick people just strolling across the southern border illegally? That’s insane – gee, which party approved that idea?

  11. If Bloomberg gave each American 1 Million $ . He would have spent less money and won the election too. See , he is not that bright that he thinks he is

  12. It's too bad Seth. You got talent, but you cower and sell out your own country to the Deep State Democrats. What's really funny? Trump already won😘🤣 hahahaha. Trump 🇺🇸 2020 😁 haahahaaaa

  13. This is comedy?? He’s not even remotely funny; he’s just saying stupid things because he hates he man. If it was at least funny it would be a different story but he’s just an kisser for the left.

  14. I'd stabb this dude in the throat pull up a blade and break the blade off in his forehead over and over he loves Trump there bunch of liars they love Trump because they all rob us molest kids and kill us for fun they are supremacist Israelis

  15. You people must hate our country watching the guy
    I love our president he is one of the people's president . All of you need to stop watching this bias TV one of the ones out there. Wake up sleepy head 💤😴

  16. Who is this Idiot Host, just more low CLASS PROPAGANDA , DESIGHNED TO COVER UP THE FACT, THAT THE LEFT HAS """NO""" SOLUTIONS FOR "ANY" ISSUES , , that's why they have to use slander, and, CHARECTER ASSASINATION, ,along with MEDIA COVERAGE. To destroy the Reputations and lives of those who are loyal to the TRUTH ,by creating ,then BLAMING, thier VICTIM OF A CRIME THAT THEY ARE ,CLEARLY ,COMMITTING THEMSELVES. ,,IT'S SCARRY ,,and,,,DISGUSTING TO THINK THAT THESE PEOPLE ,SEEK and ATTAIN PUBLIC OFFICE,

  17. Democracy created Socialism, Hittler a NAtional-SOcialist =NAZIsm
    Lim Hung Young
    Democrat-Socialiat = totalitarian regime
    Sanders a Democratic-Socialist = radical liberals

  18. You called him racist for restricting flights to China and now you don’t think he did enough. The hypocrisy got old a long time ago.

  19. this is why the left always lose. Biden confuses wife and sister on stage and I can't even remember what electability even means and the left has a hate holiday. Rebuicans don't care about your past as long as they vote, WHICH IS WHAT MATTERS! But what has the dems given as a vision for future? They spend to much time time trying to bring diversity to party. Which is fine but how dose that make my life better? I hate Trump I think he is a horrible human being and would not let him in 100 feet of my family. But he has got trade deals with Mexico, Canada,Korea, China and parts of Europe. I am all for trans rights and acceptance but past getting a few more lesbians and transgenders in office….what else are the left offering????? I want universal healthcare and that can be done with a pen. But dems are always trying not to lose and not going for the win. You have to be more than the party that is not Trump.

  20. Seth Meyers show is so boring and forced upon us, that it was literally presented to me as a sponsored ad.

  21. Seth, I thought you had a sense of humor! President Trump is usually not even trying to be serious. He's Scottish! That's a typical Scottish sense of humor!

  22. Te has is Spanish for Texas…. 😂 what an asshole! He should have helped countless people in need with all the Benjamin’s he flush down the toilet.

  23. It’s hilarious that President Trump is actually more funny than Seth, and Seth is supposed to be a comedian with his own show. Left his nightly garbage, that’s why nobody watches the show, biased yes But un funny as well

  24. So tired of Trump jokes. I don't like him but he's all they talk about. So much going on but still gotta jab Trump.

  25. I love President Trump answer and those people who are trying make fun of him are haters and always haters are loosers and this President was honest President ever and He will be winning again and making a good President doesn't make you that your better than him.

  26. Seth Meyers needs to be the butt (ASS) of his own sick, godless rants. HE IS 100% PRROF THAT LIBERALS ARE SICK, WHINING DEMONS!

  27. Trump was talking about Obama's response to H1N1 swine flu that had 1,000 casualties before Obama declared a national emergency. H1N1 killed almost 14,000 Americans and infected millions and the media didnt drum up a panic because they protected Obama.

  28. Someone pull the plug on the current media.. we the people demand a reboot.

    Real journalism.. NOT corporate sponsored media..

    Real wholesome comedy, not dirty filthy innuendos (so played out).

    Sarcasm news by low end loser comedians..

    All the writers are ALLLLLL liberal.. let’s get some fair and balanced shows.

    We the people are so tired of the left wing narrative..

    Lame actors, lame jokes, same lame movie themes, same lame comic book movies. SNL is just a political arm of the Dem party. Soooo lame and plays only to the uninformed and dumbs down Americans…

  29. Presidents like to blame their predecessors.
    Trump blames Obama three years in his term. So what? Obama blames Bush for stuff seven years in his second term.

  30. its too bad this guy sold out just on being a far left democrat. Saturday Night Live is so much better off. what a douchebag

  31. If you want to know what China wants the US to do, just have to watch traitor Seth Meyers..He’s always working against the USA..

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