Stock Market Crash, Putin’s Potential Term Reset & An African Locust Swarm | The Daily Show

Stock Market Crash, Putin’s Potential Term Reset & An African Locust Swarm | The Daily Show


The stock market. It’s like a casino
without the buffets. And for the last 24 hours,
it’s been on a wild ride. -♪

-Breaking news tonight. Market meltdown. -(bell ringing)
-As the coronavirus spreads, stocks take a nosedive, the Dow closing down
more than 2,000 points, the market’s worst day
since the 2008 financial crisis. REPORTER: Wall Street’s
wild ride continued today. The Dow surged
after President Trump talked about
an economic stimulus plan. You can see stocks rallied
in that final hour of trading, up 1,100 points,
to finish the day at 25,018. Man, the stock market is crazy. Yesterday, it crashes.
Then, today, it surges again. Like, it’s so extra right now. It’s always weird to me
how the stock market never seems to have
any sense of history. Right? ‘Cause it’s like everything that
happens is happening forever, and then everything that’s good
is happening forever. It’s almost like the way
dogs think. That’s who seems like they run
the stock market, right? ‘Cause that’s how dogs are.
Whatever’s happening is happening forever.
When you leave the house, they’re just like, “Oh, no.
You’re leaving? You’re going? “You’re going forever.
I’m gonna starve. I’m gonna die! Oh, my God!” And then you come back.
They’re like, “You’re home! “You’re never gonna leave!
This is so great! “We’re gonna do so many–
Wait, you’re going again? I’m gonna die!” Just breathe, stock market. But, yes, the stock market
dropped 2,000 points yesterday, wiping out $528 billion, which– I’ll be honest–
I never understand. ‘Cause, like, where did it go? What do you mean
you lost $528 billion? Like, what does– what does
that– Every time they say that, I’m like, “Have you checked
your other jeans?” That’s where most
of the money is. And a lot of people are afraid
of the market these days, but I’m-I’m making money
consistently on the stock market. I’ll-I’ll
even share my tip with you guys. Forget investing in companies.
What I do is I put all my money
in green lines that go up and red lines that go down. Yeah. I make a fortune
no matter what. I also don’t understand finance. And I normally don’t feel sorry
for Wall Street, but, with the coronavirus, I feel like they’re going
through a lot. Yeah. Because the one thing
guys on Wall Street like to do when Wall Street is crashing
is the one thing you’re not allowed to do
because of corona– put your hands on your face.
Yeah. So they spent all day yesterday
like, “Oh, no. My money. “Oh, no! Corona!
Oh, no. My money. Oh, no! Corona!” (shouting) (cheering and applause) All right, but let’s move on
to some international news. Because, while corona
is shaking up the stock market, Vladimir Putin is shaking up
Russia’s constitution. Russian President Vladimir Putin
has suggested that he is not against
a proposed amendment to the constitution that could keep him in power
for many years. REPORTER: Vladimir Putin came
to parliament and said if the constitutional court
says yes, then it should be possible
for the current president, him, to run again. And that means he could run
for two more terms in office. That’s 12 more years
of Vladimir Putin. He could be in power
until 2036. Yes, Vladimir Putin is trying
to change the constitution so that he can stay in power long after he’s supposed
to leave. And that is bad,
but at least now America can see that there’s nothing personal, because Russia even meddles
in its own elections. And this is big news. Because– you realize–
Putin is 67 years old now. So if he gets
these additional terms, he’ll only leave office
when he’s 83 years old, which is just young enough
to run for president in America. I do feel bad
for the Russian people who care about democracy though,
like, especially Putin’s supporters,
you know? Yeah, because what do they chant
at his rallies? Huh? You don’t even know
what to chant. Just like,
“Four more years! Four…” He’s like, “Just four?”
“Uh, eight more year…” “Just eight?”
“Uh, you tell us! You tell us!” What’s interesting
about this story as well is that Putin is a dictator,
but it’s interesting how he still goes
through the Russian legislature and the courts
to try and change it. It’s a reminder
that constitutions are only as valuable as
the people who safeguard them. Right? I mean, like,
that would only apply here if America ever got a president
with a bunch of lackeys in Congress who let him fill the
courts with whoever he wanted. Then Americans would be
in big trouble, but that can’t ever happen. I mean, that’s not real, right? Uh, let’s move on to some news
coming out of Africa. Because climate change has been
affecting weather patterns across the globe,
some people in the motherland are experiencing it
more than most. It is a locust invasion
of epic proportions, and it is swarming East Africa
right now. So, the United Nations says
that these insects could decimate
the region’s food supply, and it’s concerned it could
become a full-blown plague. REPORTER: For three months now,
swarms of desert locusts have been eating their way
through East Africa. Here in Kenya’s
Laikipia County, people bang utensils
to try and ward off an increasing menace
to their livelihoods, all to no avail. The locusts keep coming. A voracious appetite means
these locusts eat the equivalent of their own
body weight in a single day. Beans, maize,
pasture for animals– nothing stands a chance. -Oh, hell, no.
-(laughter) First corona, now locusts? I hope we’re not seeing a reboot
of the Old Testament. Yeah, because, then,
as first-born sons, -we’ll have to worry.
-(laughter) Although Trump is probably
gonna be like, “Can we do second-born
this time?” (laughter) “Go with Jesus, Eric.
He’s a nice man. Go with him. Go with him.” (applause) And this is one of the things that’s really sad
about climate change, all right? Although
it’s affecting everyone, the effects are felt in very different ways
in developing nations. Because
in a first-world country, a lot of climate change
is abstract. It’s like, “Did you hear “that Aspen might not have
the best snow for skiing this year?” Whereas in Africa, it’s like, “Can you hear anything
besides the locusts?!” “What? I can’t hear you
over the locusts!” It’s a lot harder
to deny climate change when locusts are eating
all of your food. Like, that’s maybe one thing that Americans need to do
to get everyone on board. Just have the locusts
come to America and start taking all the tables
at Olive Garden. Yeah. Then you will see
Congress take action. “I couldn’t get anything!” Yeah, and once they show up,
locusts are crazy. They can decimate
a field of crops. Then they fly 100 miles
to eat another crop. Yeah. It won’t be the same
in America, though, ’cause, like, food in Africa
isn’t modified. If locusts try to do that
with American food, they would eat at one place,
and then, they’d be like, -“Uh, I-I need to sleep now.
I need to sleep.” -(laughter) “I can’t…
I can’t fly anymore.”

100 comments

  1. where did it go? good question it should never exist at the first place just like 90% of wealth in this world , fake ass money , gold is coming baby hehe

  2. putin cant let the russian people or any government that would follow him know just how much money he and his cronies have stolen from the russian nation. the only reason he even got the job was because the same could be said about yeltsin but putin promised he wouldnt go after him once he(putin) became leader.

  3. Putin is a dictator! Said a guy who's knowledge for Russia is 0 and who has never been in Russia. Fire your illiterate writers Trevor.

  4. Locusts in Africa, maybe they need more chickens, ducks & geese to eat them. Then the people can eat the fowls.

  5. Uh wow that does sound like the 4 horse men honestly. We've been having war in Iraq for so long, we have a plague spreading our world and now locusts? Welp.

  6. Trump Visit Modi Then This Whole Shit when to Ground!!!

    confused?

    in India Political leaders chant CoronaVirus Go back !!!

    as if he'll response

  7. 4:17 "Of epic proportions" ?!? Come on, CNN-lady. "Of Biblical proportions" was RIGHT THERE. The universe teed that shit up for you, and you swung your club into the nearest water hazard!

  8. London Bridge is falling down
    Whilst Paris is burning 
    And the Romans are fiddling
    And all the Queen’s politicians 
    And all the Pope’s bankers
    Won’t be able to put their Ponzi scheme 
    economies back together again

    Things fall apart.

  9. Putin has gone full mode African dictator. The only thing is for his political rivals to commit suicide by shooting themselves and then setting themselves on fire. Admit him to the AU already

  10. Anyone wonders how the people on Wall Street are wealthy no matter what the market is.
    Talent to make your money disappear.

  11. Putin rocks and russia is fine, unlike america, you guys are a total mess, yes america is a total mess and a bunch of hypocrite in the government

  12. Did u know that COVID 19.. the coronavirus is actually a good fellow.
    Don't believe me right. Watch my Channel

  13. This is how the Almighty Creator lock down the Center of Idol Worshiping country in the world, "Italy". They have been worshipping this fake name "Jesus" which you would never ever find this manmade name in the original Bible in Aramaic language. The Almighty has created them from ejected semen and taught them how to talk and walk and blessed them with health, wealth, provisions, jobs, roof over their heads and protections yet, they are thanking that fake name made up by those illiterate preachers so they could mislead them on order to buy more mansions and airplanes. That is the same way the Almighty has been punishing those Idol Worshipping people in Bible belt area with more than a 1000 tornados every single year plus hurricanes, floods and fires but, the hearts and souls of the people have been raped and hypnotized by those illiterate preachers. "Nothing Bad happens to you if you follow the rules of our Creator, He is the best protector."

  14. The stock market did not crash, an elite group is profiting from these well orchestrated plots to cause these panics and hence if you are not in this group you lose a lot. Do some digging you might see a portion of the truth.

  15. I'd love to see the Russian judges hear that case. There would probably be a red laser scope on their forehead

  16. The U.S. needs Bernie.
    Bernie's Damn Bill Pt. 2: How Did We Get Here? — a six minute video about the attempts to pass universal health care in the U.S.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yb4_s9TC0c

  17. So according to google 0.62% of the world's population is a millionare. That means that if this comment gets 161 likes, one of you is a millionare 🤔

  18. Just tell the Chinese that locusts have some "medical properties" like the sea cucumber and they ll be gone in no time. lol

  19. 2:27 Hmm. Guy tries to amend constitution to stay in office long past his already long term and people cheer.
    I feel like I've seen this before…….
    A long time ago…..
    In a galaxy far, far away……

  20. Wonderful ! Trump Dumpty has relied on Wall Street for an excuse and brag about his dirty Administration 's so called success , now its sinking like his re election chances.

  21. Trump "dont really care about us". He cares about the DOW dropping. Time to bail out his corporate welfare recipients while the rest of us average JOE'S are missing wages. HE TOLD US TO GO TO WORK ANYWAY! ,,😷

  22. Now we know that crashing the stock market was made on purpose.
    The Saudi killing the price of oil was suspicious and now banning air travel when the market is in bear territory let no doubt about it.

  23. They shouldn't chase away the locusts, they'll just hide for a while, breed and come back with more.
    Instead they need a lot of frogs, or some type of machine or construct which attracts the insects and kills them with poison.

  24. Well technically Putin is not a dictator as a dictator is not a bad politician but a ruler who took power by force. Putin was actually elected legally.

  25. Update: from before Trump was Appointed
    To 4/11/2020

    Re: The 7th Plague Begins

    Looking back, you can see how Trump Won The Election
    He Presented the Image of a Master
    And Nobody Could Match – What was Needed

    This is Not the Same Guy toDay

    His Power Lies with Truths to Deceive
    And THATS THE SECRET On How He Won

    He’s not the same Story teller today,
    that He was when He Entered The Stage

    But he talks like Artificial Intelligence, Now
    As Everybody Seems To Fears Him,
    After being in the Darkness Along with Him

    Stephen Hawkins Warned Us About Artificial Intelligence (AI)
    And So did President Eisenhower About the Roswell Secrets

    The Trump Back Then
    &
    The Trump Now,
    ARE TWO DIFFERENT BEINGS

    I Can See Now, Why He Says
    He’s the CHOSEN ONE

    The White House, Judicial System Are All Destroyed
    Before the Plague/Virus is Released

    The Purpose
    To Place Everyone in Captivity
    The End of Humanity & All Future Elections

    ITS THAT TIME OF DAY 11/2020
    The Earth is Flipping

    Into The 4th & 5th Dimensions
    The Official Opening of the New Aquarius Age

    It’s Very Visible That this is the Self Mirror Cleansing Period
    Trump Uses the Mirror of Himself, to Attract his Base

    He Represents the Choice To Stay in the 3D Era
    “He Who Owns the Gold RULES on🔥”

    While Tulsi Gabbard Represents the Other CHOICE
    (The Golden Rule of Karma) Aloha ❤️

    There is Now No Doubt,
    That Trump Was the Apprentice

    But WHO Made HIM the MASTER🤔

  26. "It's a reminder that constitutions are only as valuable as the people who safeguard them." Ah well shit India is screwed.

  27. Trump said in 2015 that if the stock market fell more than 1,000 points, it was time to shoot the President into the sun. So?

  28. I feel like Trevor really missed a Ricky Martin joke. I was almost convinced he was going to say "Livin la vida locaasts" xD

  29. I bet with you, if those locusts were in china… the chinese will eat them in consolation for the food they have lost

  30. Only in America where you kill someone you get 15 years to 20 years in jail. You do financial fraud or cheat on your taxes you get 30 years to life in jail.

  31. Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, James Corden, all of them like "when he's 80 he'll be old enough to run for president of the US." Are they all stealing each other's jokes?

  32. Locusts eating America crop is like them committing suicide….😂😂🤣🤣 Trevor said they will eat and say I can't fly anymore😂

  33. stock market is not a scale to measure economy. stock market is a measure of how much of labor can be extracted from the proletariat. now, people are sick, laid off, quarantined, therefore the amount of extraditable labor is lesser.

  34. Waow! Putin is a gangsta!!! This is the same thing that happens with leaders in Africa. They change and tweak the constitution to favor them and their children

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