-Hey, everybody, we’re at the
Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club here in Brooklyn, New York,
and we’re about to day drink with the Jonas Brothers!
-Hey! -And since
I’m at a disadvantage, I brought in my brother Josh and my brother in case
of emergency Jack McBrayer. Say hi, Jack.
-Hey, y’all. -All right. Cheers, everybody. -Cheers!
-Thanks for having us. -Of course,
very happy to be doing this. -Of course, cheers.
Cheers, gents. ♪♪ It’s time for “Day Drinking.”
Ugh. ♪♪ -♪ Hey ♪
-All right. We’re going to start with a round of drinks
in order of our brotherhood in birth order. So in honor of Kevin and I,
the oldest, this is going to be a drink
called The Firstborn. We’re going to start with a
30-year-old Glenfiddich. We’re gonna also have
a little O’Doul’s because we’re drinkers,
but we’re also responsible. We’re going to also throw in
some Alka-Seltzer. Josh and Jack, can you help me drop one of those
in each of these? -Wow!
-Ooh, yummy. -Thanks.
To the firstborns! -To the firstborns.
-You did it! -Wow. -Ahh.
-Oh, boy. -What was the good part? [ Laughter ]
-All right. This is in honor of Josh and Nick. Here we go.
-Oh. -The babies will be served
in a baby bottle. -Ha-ha.
-Crazy. -I like it.
-Babies love chocolate milk. We’re going to replace that
with some Kahlua. There we go. Let’s get some
Hi-C juice in there. Put in a little rosé because
that’s mom’s favorite just like the youngest. There we go. All right.
Bottles up, everybody. -To the babies.
-To the babies. -Enjoy your nipple. -Mnh.
[ Laughter ] -That is…not awesome. -This fully sucks. -All right, guys.
The middle child, no one’s put any thought
in you for years. You’re the forgotten child. -Right.
-True. We’re putting no thought
into this drink at all. We’re just going to randomly
pour stuff in here. -This might be laundry soap.
[ Laughter ] I’m a little scared. -Going to put some of this in. Nobody cares.
He’s the middle child. It doesn’t matter if we screw
him up, we’ve got two more. -Are you drunk yet?
-Um. Getting there. -All right, everybody.
Here’s to the middle child. -Middle child! -Confusing. That’s confusing. -That’s fair.
-Definitely pineapple. [ Laughter ] -Let’s play some games.
-All right. -Okay!
-The way this works is I’m going to show a famous
brother to the Jonas Brothers. If they get it right,
one of us has to do a shot. If they get it wrong,
one of them has to do a shot. And let’s get started. Let’s find out how well
the Jonas Brothers know other famous brothers. You guys, tell me
who these brothers are. -Oh, they’re, uh…
Oh, you know. If you guys
don’t get this right, you’re gonna drink so much
in this game. -I don’t know.
-You guys, this is the Marx Brothers. -Ah. -Wait.
-Which one of you would like to do a drink?
-Be happy to. -All right.
This is Villa One Tequila. -It’s so good.
-It’s so good. -Nick, true story,
this is your tequila, right? -This is my tequila.
-That’s great. What is the slogan
for Villa One? -“Life as it should be.”
-“Life as it should be.” -You know what?
This is life as it should be. -Well, life as it should be
is you’d know who the Marx Brothers are. Okay, guys, who’s that? -The Wright Brothers.
-Damn it! How do you miss
the Marx Brothers and get the Wright Brothers? I’m going to start.
I’ll do this one. -Go ahead.
-Villa One. “Life as it should be.”
[ Laughter ] -“Life as it should be.”
-Oh, we’re in trouble deep. -Mnh! [ Singing off-key ]
♪ Life as it should be! ♪ -What?
[ Laughter ] -“Life as it should be.”
-Oh, right, yeah. -Okay, ready, guys? -These guys killed
a bunch of people. -Allegedly, allegedly. -Wait, so you — Like I have —
you’re the oldest. I want to see if your younger
brothers can name these two. -Mendez Brothers.
-God! -Wait. What’d he say?
-Wait. Say it again. -Mendez Brothers.
-No. -You’re thinking of —
You’re thinking of the very innocent
Mendez Brothers. And not the incredibly guilty —
-Menéndez Brothers. -I’m sorry, we were looking
for Menéndez. -Sorry.
-It would be like calling you the Jononases.
[ Laughter ] -Hey, you know what this is? Everybody to camera. Life as it should be. Hi, it’s time
for more dumb stuff. This is a new game.
-Oh, wow. -All right, so these are
the Jonas Brothers’ heads. These are hairstyles they’ve had
over the years. And we’re going to match those
hairstyles with their heads. And if we get it right, the Jonas Brothers have to
tell us if we got it right. And if we get it wrong,
we have to do a shot. We didn’t come up with
a title for this. Jack, what would you
call this game? -Hair! -“Hair Goalz.”
-“Hair Goalz.” “Hair Goalz”?
-“Goalz.” -“Hair Goalz.”
Hey, it’s time for “Hair Goalz.” -Yeah!
-Okay, I do know one. -Okay, do one.
-Go for it. -Ohh! I feel very confident,
all right. I feel — I feel good
about that. -Wow.
-Well, let’s just look at it. -Yeah, let’s — Ew!
-Aah-da-da-da-dah! [ Laughter ] -Yeah, that doesn’t look right.
-That’s not right. -Yeah, yeah, got to flip it.
That’s a fliparoo. -Jonases!
This is our final answer. Are we right?
-You’re wrong. -All right.
-Wrong, wrong. -Okay, here’s to you guys
and your bold choices. -“Hair Goalz” with a “Z.” -we’re not just out here trying
to make you look bad, we’ve also had bad haircuts over
the years. So please come up here
and play… -[ Hammering ]
-What’s happening?! -I don’t know. Oh, boy.
Oh, no! -Okay, we’re cool.
We got to be cool. -It won’t work.
-Here, we do this. -I don’t think that’s going to
work. -It will once you do that. No, no, no, no!
-It’s okay. It’s just spatial awareness.
-It’s a smart choice. -Get out of here!
-I know. I’ll be honest.
If or when you guys decide not to have hair anymore,
you’ll look pretty good. -Thank you. -You’re talking about
all of us, right, Joe? -N — Mm, um, hmmmm. Yeah.
-I’m bad at magnets. -I swear to God.
-I want to see the real thing. Hold on.
-I know. I already know. -Does it take you guys this long
to write songs? [ Laughter ]
-Even longer, and they’re all hits.
[ Laughter ] -Touché, sir.
-We’ve committed. -Cheers. Yeah. That feels right. -Hey!
-Yeah! -♪ You say ♪ ♪ What can make me
feel this way ♪ ♪ Shuffleboard, shuffleboard,
shuffleboard ♪ ♪ Talking about shuffleboard ♪ ♪ Shuffleboard ♪ -Hey in honor of the new
Jonas Brothers single “What a Man Gotta Do,”
we’re gonna play “What a Man Gotta Do”
shuffleboard. Here’s how this works. You pick a biscuit
with one of our faces on it, you shoot it down there. We will with ours with
your faces. Anyway, it’ll — it —
Uh, it’ll become clear. Okay, you guys go first.
Nick is picking Josh. Good luck. -Too light.
-No, we’re going to keep going. All right. Now I’m going to
play a double of Nick. Here we go. [ Indistinct conversations ] -Wow! What do I got?
-Social. Everybody drinks. -Oh!
-Cheers, cheers. Between the legs.
A very rare — a very rare move. Oh!
Very — oh! I’ll finish yours.
-Oh! Jesus! -Whoo!
-[ Whistles ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Yummy.
-That’s classic, Seth, right there.
-We good? [ Cheers and applause ] -What’d you get?
-I played my part. [ Indistinct conversations ] Don’t say I didn’t play my part. [ Laughter ] -Joe is going to have
to do some — [ All cheering ] That’s nice.
-Let’s bygones be bygones. -To Cambridge Analytica! [ Laughter ] -That’s a good one.
I like that. -Oh, that’s pretty!
What is it? -Heck yeah!
-Oh, yeah! -[ Humming “Seven Nation Army” ] -Jack, again!
-No! -More gin? -[ Humming continues ] -This is very exciting.
We’re going to each draw a title of a pop song
out of here. And then we have five minutes… -To go write a pop song. -All right. I got one.
You got one. I’m going to show mine. -I’m in.
-All right. Don’t say it. [ Laughter ] Okay, okay. You got yours?
All right, all right. And now we’re going to go take
five minutes and write a song. -Okay.
-Done. -All right.
-Easy. -You know what, though?
I might — Oh, no!
-Shut up! [ Laughter ] ♪♪ -♪ Hey ♪ -♪ I’m crazy, I been ♪ [ Stammering ] -♪ Promise made ♪ -The sun is in zenith.
Things are good with my penis. [ Laughter ] [ All singing indistinctly ] -Oh, I love that.
-I got one. “Sun comes up
and I’m ready to drink.” -♪ Promise, baby, I —
I’ll never make you cry ♪ I’ll make you die.
I’ll never make you die. No, no, no,
I’ll never make you die. -That’s heavy.
[ Laughter ] -♪ Drunken moon,
I’ll see you soon ♪ ♪ I got nothing to do
in the afternoon ♪ -I know, we’re rhyming.
-Shh! Nobody knows. -I got nothing.
-We got to do a bridge, too. That’s how a song works. -♪ Maybe it’s the love,
maybe it’s the touch ♪ ♪ Maybe it’s the drugs ♪ [ Vocalizing ] -What time are we going
up there? -How much time we got left?
You got your 5-minute pop song? -“Nine” is “N-I-E” — “N-I-N-E.”
-Yes. That’s how you spell “nine.” -All right. Can you read it
to me, and I’ll write it? They’re going to put this in
the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. -Correct.
-Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage
the McBride brothers! -Whoo!
-And this is “Drunk At Noon.” ♪♪ -♪ It’s still light out ♪ ♪ Which seems like madness ♪ ♪ I’m drinking Coors Light
to mask my sadness ♪ -Yep.
-♪ Still no darkness ♪ ♪ But I’m ready to drink ♪ ♪ I don’t care what
my parents think ♪ -♪ Hey ♪
-♪ The sun’s up high ♪ ♪ It’s at its zenith ♪ ♪ And everything’s good
with my penis ♪ ♪ I’m drunk at noon,
I’ll see you soon ♪ ♪ I got nothing to do
this afternoon ♪ ♪ Because I’m drunk at noon ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Not bad. Not bad. -Now please welcome
to the stage the Jonas Brothers Who will certainly not beat
our song with their new song “In Bed by 9:00.” -1, 2. ♪ Baby, I ♪ ♪ I’m feeling fine ♪ ♪ Baby, let me in,
I want to feel your skin ♪ ♪ Do you want to 69? ♪ ♪ Baby, oh ♪ ♪ I’ve wanted this all my life ♪ ♪ Let me lick your toes,
I want to blow your nose ♪ Baby, I’ll have you back
by 9:00 ♪ [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, unh. -♪ 69 ♪
-♪ 69 ♪ ♪ I’ll have you back in bed
by 9:00 ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -That’s the Jonas Brothers,
who clearly won writing a pop song
in five minutes. Hey, whoa!
Oh, my God. You guys, this has been
an incredible afternoon, and we would like to say,
this has been “Day Drinking” with the Jonas Brothers
and the Meyers Brothers and Jack McBrayer. ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]