Season 7, Chapter 8 – Directions | Red vs. Blue

Season 7, Chapter 8 – Directions | Red vs. Blue


Simmons: What the hell is all this stuff? Donut: Oh, there you are! Did you blow up the base yet? Simmons: Look at this mess, Donut. It’s like he’s wrecked the place Donut: Oh yeah. That’s Caboose’s project Simmons: This is what he’s been working on? Donut: He’s trying to rebuild a body for that Blue buddy of his Err, looks like a piece is missing though Simmons: For the dead guy? (sigh of exasperation) Give me a break No wonder no one ever wins this war We’re all doing stuff like building lame robots Oh, hey, Lopez, uh, hehe – I didn’t mean you, I meant other…robots Donut: That was kinda racist Simmons: Hey, that’s not true – I have lots of mechanical friends Person: Just – just give me that microphone Do not under any circumstances move You have entered an active minefield Caboose: Does thinking count as moving? Because if it does, I think I might have moved- oh! – I did it again Grif: SHUT UP, Caboose! Caboose: Well, I don’t want to get exploded Sarge: How do we get out of here? Person: We will guide you out Sarge: Great. We’ll just wait for you to come out here, then Person: What? No – fuck that, listen – we’re not coming out there, ok? Hang tight We’re going to pull up the schematics – be right back Don’t move Sarge: Grif! What were you thinking, driving us straight into a minefield? Grif: Me?! You were in the passenger seat! That makes you the navigator Sarge: What are you talking about? Grif: Everybody knows that, you’re in charge of directions Sarge: No! The shotgun seat is reserved as a position of respect – and for people who carry shotguns See? (makes gun sound effect) Quid pro quo Now, Grif, here’s the plan You walk in front of us very slowly Grif: No. Sarge: If you hear anything that sounds like a small metallic click Or feels like your legs are being blown off – just say ‘found one’ Grif: No. Caboose: Oh – I think I just thought about something again Sarge: Both of you, shut up We need to think of a way out of this mess Grif: You mean the mess you navigated us into? Sarge: How about I come over there and navigate my fist through your forehead Grif: Heh, ok, bring it Just stroll on over here across the minefield and beat me to death Sarge: Maybe I will Grif: Bring it! Person: Look, we can hear you talking – do not move! Ok, seriously Sarge: Grrrrrrrrrrr Caboose: It’s not my fault I’m not moving I’m not even thinking about moving Grif: Sarge, since we may not make it out of this, maybe there’s a few things I should tell you – you know, since you can’t reach me Sarge: Grifff…. Grif: Like the reason why I never listened to you? Or never follow your orders – and why I don’t think anything you say is ever important Sarge: Griiiiiifffffff……. Grif: But I want you to understand, Sarge – it’s not because I’m lazy. It’s because I don’t like you. Or respect you. In any way I have no positive feelings for you Now, I imagine it can be pretty hard to be an ineffective leader with no respect Who doesn’t understand that his primary weapon has an effective range much shorter than most weapons But I think since we’re gonna die anyway – you deserve to know that Person: Alright, I’m back Ready? We’re gonna guide you out of there Grif: (sacred laugh) You know I was kidding, right? Simmons: Hey, Lopez, wait up Hey, man, I need some explosives To blow up Blue base, you know? Did Sarge leave you the key to the weapon locker? Simmons: Ok. I need about 50 kilos of plastic explosives Technically, 5 should do it, but I really want to blow the fuck out of that thing Can you go get it for me? Simmons: Uhhh, I need it right now Simmons: Hmm…you don’t seem to be moving Simmons: This is about that robot comment, isn’t it? Person: Ok, gentlemen – here’s how we’re going to do this We’ll guide the two guys in front out and you in the jeep just follow them Grif: Ok Caboose: Um, I’m scared Person: Alright – start by taking two steps forward and then turn to your right Sarge: A step ain’t exactly a standard measurement, buddy Person: Just a step Sarge: Yeah, I get it. But what’s a step? Like this? Or this (explosion) whoa! Person: JUST A STEP Sarge: Ok, no problem, just a step Person: Alright – now – walk four steps to your right Sarge: You mean our right? Person: Yes Caboose: Um, our our right, or your our right Person: There is no my your right Sarge: W- Is left north to you or is it where on the compass, which way? Caboose: Uhh, what about- Person: Just walk to your right! Person: NO! (explosion) Sarge & Caboose: Sorry Grif: You know what? I just can’t take this anymore – fuck it Person: Yeah, uh, fuck it, just run (many explosions) Sarge: Son of a – Simmons: Hello, everyone! Now that we have our own youtube channel, I have taken the liberty of reorganising everything for a streamlined viewing experience Just hit subscribe to put it to use Grif: You’re supposed to convince them to subscribe, not put them to sleep, you loser Simmons: (sigh) I hate him so much

100 comments

  1. I thought this season was slow. I believed that at this point things would move forward but looks like yet another exposition episode. Extremely hilarious just not important to the overall plot.

  2. And the smart thing? Shoot the ground with the EMP gun to nock out any landmines in a patch directly forward of the Puma. Wait for it to recharge, and shoot another patch. You then slowly creep forward along the patches you cleared.

  3. I like how they run into more mines when they're actually being led by someone then when they're just running around willy-nilly.

  4. The Spanish understanding is NOT inconsistent in this episode. Just like when Sarge speaks to Lopez, he assumes that Lopez is agreeing with what he is saying. Watch that situation again, Simmons realizes Lopez didn't move and just assumes that it's because of the comments he made earlier. He doesn't understand what Lopez is saying, he's using social cues to determine what's going on.

  5. for the first time ever sarge was right. the reason its called shotgun is because they used to have a shotgun user there to protect the driver from bandits

  6. I didn't know Grif's laugh was sacred.

    But seriously, is that a nod towards the whole "Geoff's laugh can cure cancer" joke

  7. Person: Alright, start by taking two steps forward and then turn to your right.
    Sarge: A step ain't exactly a standard measurement, buddy.
    Person: Just. A. STEP.
    Sarge: Yeah, I get it. But what's a step? Like this? Walks like a normal person Or…THISSS!!!!!!!!!!!! Mine explodes
    Whoa!
    Person: JUST. A. STEP!
    Sarge: Ok, no problem, just a step

  8. Let's see. Red, Blue, Yel- wait Grif is orange. Dammit Roosterteeth, you were so close to having a team made up of primary colors.

  9. Wait, do we step forward or left, if it's left, than your left or our left, after that we move sideways, right? No? Okay I'll right after that. Wait! how dangerous are the mines? Okay, got it, then we move two steps forward and jump over the invisible line, no? then wha- oh, fuck it, YOLO!!!!!!!

  10. The whole "Shotgun has a shit range" thing is bullshit. They have an effective range of anywhere from 20 to 40 meters (66 to 131 feet), depending on the choke used and amount of charge in the shell. Halo CE had a decent range shotgun, and even Rainbow Six Vegas had a shotgun that could kill somebody at the length of a corridor. Of course, that got patched. I know it's always about balancing out weapons, but at least make the more realistic. PLEASE!

  11. sarge is actually right the term shotgun came from the fact that passengers of merchant carriages had shotguns to protect themselves and their wares from bandits and theives

  12. due that shot gun should have kill him its still in effecitve range so it must be that sarge has bad aim cause a shotgun is not that bad.

  13. I wish I had Friends like caboose and the reds and the other blues cause there so Damn Funny XD I always Think of how I'd be if I was in this I would probably also be dumb and weird

    …..well Nvm I already Am

  14. Lmao these guys are not, never have been, and never will be good enough at following directions to be guided out of a minefield.

  15. The Rules of Shotgun state that riding Shotgun is a both a privilege AND a responsibility and failure to do so makes said person voided of shotgun for duration of the trip. So Grif is right.

  16. You know, Simmons is a cyborg. That EMP really should have killed him, since it was his vital organs that were replaced.

  17. Looks like Sarge forgot that videogame shotguns fire pixie dust unles you are standing right ingront of the enemy

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