*Guitar* Sarge: Get these water cans cleaned up while we’re gone. How much water do you need to drink, Donut? Donut: I was in a desert, don’t judge me! Grif: Maybe we should learn from that and bring some water ourselves. Sarge: Nonsense. It’ll just slow us down. Grif: Slow us down more than dehydration? Or death… by dehydration? Sarge: I don’t know, smartass. Let’s say we try! I’ll kill ya, and then I’ll dry ya out! Who wants Grif-jerky? Caboose: Ah, no thanks, I already had Donuts for breakfast. Grif: Wait, what? Sarge: All right, let’s get going. Everybody packed? Caboose: Yep. Grif: Where’s your stuff? Caboose: Oh, I only carry a washcloth and six toothbrushes. Grif: I’m gonna assume that makes sense to you. Caboose: Yeah, it does. Grif: Yeah, I thought so. We’ll just go ahead and leave that one alone Sarge: Grif! Why’d you pack so much? Grif: Me? I only did one duffle. Sarge: Well, what are all these cases? Donut: Those are mine! Sarge: Donut, you’re going with us? Donut: No. But I wasn’t gonna let you guys have all the packing fun to yourselves! That’s the best part of going on vacation. I mean, besides airport security’s full cavity search– Grif: Time to go! Sarge: Now, Lopez, I want you to take good care of Simmons and Donut while we’re gone. Sarge: Feed them every day. Sarge: Exactly. And don’t forget to let them out in the yard every now and then. Donut: I love yard time- Simmons: Goodbye! Sarge: If I don’t make it back from the mission, bury me and Grif as far apart as possible. I don’t want to get any corpse cooties. Grif: Why do you assume i’ll be dead? *stares at Grif* Grif: Never mind Sarge: All aboard! Let’s get this show on the road! *warthog music plays* Sarge: Hey, be careful with the new gun. It hasn’t passed any real world testing yet. Simmons: It hasn’t passed any fake world testing. It’s passed zero tests. Sarge: Which means the enemy can’t possibly know about it. We’ve got the initiative. Simmons: Yeah, you got something. Big dummy. Sarge: We’ll be back as soon as we help the Blue. And then we’ll kill him. Caboose: Guys, I really appreciate this. Sarge: See you soon! Try not to to get in any trouble! *The Puma activates Mexican dolphin mode* Sea breathing Caboose: Are we there yet? Everyone: Shut up! Donut: Good luck! Donut: Hey! Where you goin’? Simmons: To blow up Blue Base. Donut: Ah, I think that’s what Sarge meant by “get into trouble”. Simmons: I don’t give a fuck! *music from warthog* Caboose: Can we stop again? I have to pee. Grif: Again?! Caboose: Well, my suit leaked, and I had to drink a lot on the way here. A lot. Sarge: Look, Grif! Sand. Grif: Yeah, we’re on a beach. Sarge: Donut said there was sand. That means we’re on the right track. Grif: You know what else he told us? The coordinates to where we’re going. Sarge: Another clue! Grif: That’s not a clue! There’s no mystery! We’re driving there! Sarge: C’mon, let’s get going. Before the trail gets cold. Caboose: I have to use the bathroom again. *guitar* Donut: Lopez, Simmons has been gone a really long time. Donut: If Simmons blows up Blue Base, Sarge is gonna be really mad. Donut: I’m worried about him. Donut: I think I’m gonna go over there and check on him. *wind blowing* *warthog music* Sarge: Yee-haw! *crashing sound* Sarge: I told you not to take jumps bigger than my yee-haws! Makes me look bad! Grif: Okay, this looks like it. Sarge: Be careful, Grif. We don’t wanna get spotted. Voice over speakers: Halt! Do not come any further! Caboose: I think we’ve been spotted. Sarge: Punch it Grif! Voice over speakers: You are attempting to access a restricted area. And you have entered a mine field. Grif: A what?! Voice over speakers: A mine field. You idiot. Caboose: Your field? Who says this is your field? You can’t own a field! Grif: Caboose, not his field; a mine field! Sarge: You know, the Native American culture said the Earth doesn’t belong to us. We belong to it. Grif: Guys! He means explosives! Sarge and Caboose: Oooh! *explosion* Sarge: Oh! Caboose: Where am I? Oh, well, that looks nice! Oh my God! A giant person!