[Music] [Rumbling, Crashing, Machine sounds, etc.] [Grif] What the hell are they doing out there? [Tucker] They’ve been trying to blast their way in here ever since I locked it down. [Tucker] They’re not having much luck though – ARE YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLES?! [Tucker] This stuff looks like rock but it’s way tougher. [Grif] What’s tougher than rock?
[Caboose] Paper. [Tucker] (stutters) How the fuck should I know? Super rock? What am I? Some kinda geographist? [Sarge] They have some kinda big machine out there. [Tucker] Yeah. They just got that thing. I think THEY think they’re gonna yank this door off with it. [Tucker] Not fuckin happening. [Sarge] They wanna get their hands on that weapon? [Tucker] Yeah. And we can’t let them turn it on, no matter what happens. [Sarge] Well why don’t WE just turn it on and use it against them? [Tucker] Fuck, what? We don’t know what it does! We could turn it on and it could make us all sterile. [Grif] Would it do that? [Tucker] Well, the last weapon we found was designed to wipe out all organic life in a HUGE radius. [Grif] (whistles)… Wow… What’s a – radius? [Tucker] I dunno, they just made me learn this crap for my dumb job. Point is: don’t touch anything. [Tucker] You hit the wrong button, you flip the wrong switch, we’ll all be dead before you can say — [Tucker] — Where’s Caboose?? [Sarge] Uh.. I don’t think that’s how that expression goes. [Tucker] No. I mean where the fuck is Caboose? [Sarge] Oh yeah.. He does have a habit of wandering off, he’s been trying to rig equipment to do something. [Sarge] We don’t really know what. That boy’s not quite right, y’know? [Tucker] What the- I just said not to touch anything and you guys let him walk away to find equipment??? [Tucker] What the hell is wrong with you! [Tucker] Man I swear, you guys’ve always been idiots but this takes the cake! [Grif] HEY! He’s on YOUR team, asshole. [Tucker] Oh. Right… [Tucker] … Hey – uh, so if you guys aren’t doing anything you wanna help me go find Caboose? [Sarge] Let’s go. [Grif] So embarassing for you… [Tucker] Just go find the guy. [Grif] So sad… [Tucker] I fucked your sister. [Music]
[Lopez] (humming) [Simmons] LOOOOOPEEZZZ!! [Simmons] HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE! [Simmons] THE BAD GUY – THE GUY WHO WANTS TO KILL US! [Explosion] [Simmons] THE META!! He’s here! [Simmons] OH JEEZ LOOK OUT! [Simmons] SON OF A BITCH! [Lopez] iMadre de dios! [Simmons] Lopez, we need some big guns. [Simmons] I’ll grab the rocket launcher. Just grab whatever you can, Lopez. I’m trained to handle this weapon. [Simmons] …Lopez? [Simmons] … Anybody? [Meta] (growling) [Simmons] Alright you bastard… [Simmons] …prepare to get SIMMONSIZED… [Meta] (growling) [SMASH] [Meta] (growling) [Simmons] Well fuck me. [Meta] (growling) [EXPLOSION1] [EXPLOSION2] [Simmons] Lopez?! [Ominous Music] [Epsilon whirs] [Caboose] No… [Caboose] No! [Caboose] Hmm…
[whirring grows louder] [Guitar riff] [???] (over a loudspeaker) Just open the temple and you can leave! We’ll take what we want and no one has to get hurt! [Tucker] SHUT UP, IDIOT! [Tucker] I should’ve stabbed that fuckin speaker while I was out there. [Grif] Caboose! [Tucker] Caboose! Where are you! [Sarge] Hey! Blue! Hope you’re not dead~! [Sarge] Now that there’s two of ya, we finally have a fair fight! [Sarge] Come on out here so we can KILL YA! [Tucker] Hey guys, shut up. You hear that? [Caboose] Wh- would you be quiet! [Caboose] See – you’re gonna get me in trouble. [???] Trouble?? Fuck that! [Tucker] Who’s he talking to? Aw crap! Did somebody break into the temple? [Caboose] Ah n- okay- see you broke that! See- that was YOUR fault. [???] That? That was already broken. [Tucker] (makes wooshing noise) [Tucker] Alright, let’s charge in there, and take these assholes out. On my mark – [Tucker] … That means when I say “GO”. [Grif] Definitely sounds familiar… [Sarge] Yeah, I find it annoying and grating for some reason. [Caboose] Ok- just- stop moving around- HOLD STILL! [???] I am holding still! You’re the one that’s moving! [Tucker] Yeah that sounds like– [???] Get your hands off me! [???] FUCKIN DOUCHE-
[Caboose] Ah- I’m sorry Church! [Tucker] Church?!
[Grif] Church?! [Caboose] …I can explain. [Epsilon-Church] Who the fuck are these guys? [Sarge] …Who brought the floating bowling ball? [Sarge] Where’s the thumb hole? [Grif] What’s up forever-alone? So uh- you wanna do something with your life or you just wanna sit around on your ass all day like a loser? [Grif] Yeah! Me too! [Grif] So uh – just subscribe and keep watching youtube! ‘s way easier.