Season 5, Episode 97 – Uncommunicado | Red vs. Blue

Season 5, Episode 97 – Uncommunicado | Red vs. Blue


Church: I am not O’Malley. I’m telling you, it’s Flowers. Tucker: Liar! Flowers is dead. Church: Then what happened to the Reds, Tucker? Where did they go? I certainly didn’t sneak over here and scare them off in my spare time, when I wasn’t dealing with you and Tex, and that new yellow freak, and that stupid disgusting kid of yours. Tucker: Okay, okay. Man, I hope if Flowers is alive that he doesn’t want this armor back. Hey, what’s up with the Reds? Tex: Where are they? Church: Who knows. Maybe it’s lunch time. Maybe the Red army doesn’t pay overtime and they all just went home. Tex: All their stuff is here. I don’t think they evacuated. Tucker: What do you think Tex? Tex: I think we may have walked right in to a- Wyoming: A trap? Tex: Wyoming. Church: Okay see? Now, if I was O’Malley, I would’ve known that was gonna happen Grif: Shouldn’t we rethink this plan? Sarge: Why? Grif: Well, now that Simmons has cut us off from Command, we’re attacking the enemy base with no support. Simmons: I didn’t cut us off from Command Grif: You interrupted the radio transmission! Simmons: No I didn’t. Whoever Sarge was talking with was already down in that cave. I just walked up and started talking to Sarge in the middle of it. Grif: What the fuck do you think interrupting means? Sarge: Can it, you two. Andy: Yeah, you’re giving me a headache. Simmons: Andy, is that you? Andy: No, I’m the other talking bomb. Francis. Pleased to meet ya, ya dickhead. Simmons: I thought you were busy helping the enemy. Andy: Nah, they didn’t need me anymore. Apparently that revived guy learned enough alien language to get by, And then it was “What have you done for me lately?” Grif: Hey, what was that deal they were talking about when I was all drugged out? Donut: Grif, I’m proud of you. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Grif: Fuck off, Donut. Donut: Baby steps Grif. Andy: That new alien is here to find the old one, and he revived the blue guy to help him. But then something happened to him, I dunno what, started actin’ all, funky. Simmons: The alien revived him. Andy: Yeah, they don’t treat life and death the same way we do. Fact that little guy that everyone think- Sarge: We don’t have time for this. Let’s go, men. Andy: Wait, take me with you! Sarge: Andy, we’re going into battle unmanned, low on ammo, and with no support. What use could we possibly have for a ball? Andy: I could always act as a lookout. Or a spy. Or a chef. Or, you know. You could always use me as a bomb. Andy: Oh, hey Lopez. Tex: Wyoming. Wyoming: Ah yes, hello Tex. So sorry to sneak up on you when you where busy quarreling about, well whatever it is exactly you people do here. I’m guessing some kind of ditch digging or something. Tucker: Blue Team doesn’t shovels, which kind of sucks because our guys are the ones who keep dying. Wyoming: And it looks like that trend is going to continue Church: Oh what, You’re here for Tex? Because if you are, she’s right there. All yours buddy. Go for it. Tucker: Yeah, ladies first. Wyoming: Not at all. I’m here for you’re little friend, he’s very important to a lot of people. Church: Ahuh-huh-huh excuse me. Caboose: Now that Church is possessed by O’Malley and is evil, do you think we’ll have to kick him off the team? Then it would be just me and my sidekick Tucker. That’s not a lot of people on the team. Also I don’t like Tucker. Oh, I know, maybe we could convince one of the Reds to switch sides! Then we can give them Tucker. That would fix both problems! Sheila: I don’t know, that doesn’t seem like it would work. Caboose: Oh, Church is calling me. Probably to ask me to be his new best friend. Or to infect me with a horrible computer virus. Excuse me for a minute Sheila. I have to take this Sheila: Affirmative. Caboose: Yes! Hello evil Church. What can I do for you? Church: So Wyoming, You just showed up here and decided to attack us. Caboose: Uh, my name is Caboose. Church: And now you’ve caught us at gunpoint, and it looks like we’re in big trouble. Caboose: That doesn’t sound like something I would do. I think you have the wrong number. Church: Here at Red Base. Wyoming. You found us and are holding us prisoner. At the Red Base. Wyoming. Caboose: Red Base no, uh, I’m in the ship. The ship. Sheila: I think O’Malley has driven him crazy, um, he’s talking nonsense. Church: If only someone nearby, someone with access to a tank, somehow knew what was going on and could help us. Someone for instance, in blue armor. Who somehow knew about the situation, and figured out what the fuck other people were talking about, and tried to fucking help us, and then we would be saved. Caboose: Yeah, he’s definitely crazy. Hey Sheila, where’s the tank part of you going? Wyoming: Why do you keep explaining things to me? I understand the situation perfectly. I ambushed you, you’re quivering in fear. Tucker: Yeah, what are you, the narrator now or something? Church: I just want everyone to be on the same page about Wyoming, Ambushing us, at the Red base. Tucker: We know. Church: Wyoming. The bad guy. Tucker: We know! Church: And we’re here at the Red Base. Which isn’t the Blue Base. Or the caves. Or the cliffs. Or that weird tree. Or the windmill. Tucker: We get it dude, we’re standing right here. Church: Maybe we should take this from the top. Do you want to write this down? Tucker: No! Wyoming: I think your friend here has lost his marbles. Tucker: Oh you want to see crazy, wait until you try to take my fucking kid. What do you want with him anyway? He never did anything to you. Wyoming: It’s not what he did, it’s what he’s going to do. That child is very special. Tucker: Yeah, I know. I guess I should have read to him more or something. Wyoming: Not that kind of special, you half-wit. I mean he’s important. Church: Red Base. No one is is the state of Wyoming. Sarge: There’s the base. Simmons: It looks like they’re in trouble. Is that that bounty hunter guy? That guy’s a dick. Sarge: Hah! The Blues have overextended themselves and spread their forces too thin! Classic blunder. Change of plans, men! Instead of hitting Blue Base, we’re going to take back our own base! Grif: Tank! Simmons: Oh shit! Sarge: Rechange of plans, men!
Grif: Fuck this! Sarge: Blue Base it is. Wyoming: That little alien of yours has a very important destiny to fulfill. And we’re going to make sure he does it. Tucker: Well he’s not here, so guess what. You’re shit outta luck. Wyoming: I’m well aware, my partner’s taking care of that little acquisition right now. I’m just here to tidy up a bit. Tucker: How’d you sneak up on us anyway? Tex, I thought you were supposed to be good at this stealth stuff. Tex: I am. Tucker: Wow, that’s awesome. Good for you. Wyoming: Oh no, Tex has gone invisible. Whatever shall I do. Fretting, worry. Church: Dude I wouldn’t sound so smug. She kicked your ass last time and you weren’t outnumbered like you are now. Church: Haha yeah! Hey it worked! I can’t believe Caboose came through! How you like that, Wyoming? We even have our tank now. Boo yeah, motherfucker! Wyoming: Ho ho ho ho ho, your tank? Hu hu hu hu. Gary: Knock knock, Church. Church: Oh shit. Why is it that something dramatic seems to happen exactly every five minutes? I mean, I can’t possibly be the only one out here noticing this trend. Gary: Firing main cannon.

92 comments

  1. What I don't get is why Wyoming and Gamma split up in the first place. Maybe it was to hide his AI from the authority? It just seems like Gamma would have been more useful in helping Wyoming sooner in some of the bounty missions from the start. Maybe they needed Gamma to become Gary to deceive them so that they could find the key, work with the alien, and birth the child for this purpose. Still, that seems to be a pretty crappy plan since it would require everything to work smoothly and we all know nothing works smoothly for our troop of idiots. Still, finding out that Gary was Gamma was a huge mind blown event when it first happened.

  2. Sometimes Caboose can be so, well cute.
    "It'll just be me and my sidekick Tucker." 
    The way he says that is so amusing.

  3. because tucker has agent floridasbutch flowers freelancer armor i think thats why he was able to get around wyomings plan

  4. Okay, the cave with water on coagulation confirms that on Forge World in Halo Reach has the template of Coagulation.

  5. "I can't be the only one who has noticed that something dramatic keeps happening every 5 minutes" – Church
    New favorite line.

  6. Why didn't they just shoot Wyoming before the tank showed up? In fact, this whole series would be over if either side did their jobs and attacked.

  7. Two out of three of the times(?) Wy has teamed up with anyone, it's been with Florida. Am I allowed to ship them now? I'd totally ship Time Flower.

  8. 2:07 makes me question how much of Lopez' subtitles are in fact what he is saying :p because "meh" doesn't mean up yours (but then again, I'm only going off of school Spanish course knowledge lmao)

  9. I don't get it, Tex beat Wyoming, Maine, and York in a 3 vs 1, but she can't take care of him easily now?

  10. We're going into battle unmanned, low on ammo and with no support. What use could we possibly have for a bomb? 😂😂😂😂😂😂

  11. At the end, I’m just imagining:
    Gamma/Gary: Knock Knock Church.
    Church: Who’s there?
    Gamma/Gary: You are.
    Church: You are who?
    Gamma/Gary: You are a dirty dirty shisno. Ha ha ha.

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