Biden and Bernie’s Big Wins & Bloomberg’s Big Flop | The Daily Show

Biden and Bernie’s Big Wins & Bloomberg’s Big Flop | The Daily Show


Going into Super Tuesday, the Democratic field
had been narrowed down to four main candidates, which is a long way
from the original 6,000. And as the dust began to
settle, it became clear there were
two winners and two losers. Elizabeth Warren,
one of the night’s losers. You see, she failed
to pick up a single state. And to add insult to injury, in her home state
of Massachusetts, she came in third. Yeah. Which is pretty rough. It’s like if you came home to find your parents had
replaced you with another
child. Just be like, “Sorry, honey, we’d like Joe Biden
to be our daughter now.” But she wasn’t the only one
with a disappointing evening. Yeah. Another candidate who hit
a low point was Mike Bloomberg, former New York mayor and best person to sit behind
at a concert. Because after spending the GDP
of a small country on his campaign, his quest for the nomination
ended in failure. We come in
with this Fox News Alert. Super Tuesday made
for a super shake-up. Democrat Mike Bloomberg today
dropped out of the race after his dismal showing
last night. REPORTER: Yesterday
was a disaster for Bloomberg. He spent more than $500 million and won only
a few dozen delegates. Last night,
campaigning in Florida, Bloomberg tried
to sound upbeat. No matter how many delegates
we win tonight, we have done something no one
else thought was possible. “That’s right.
We spent half a billion dollars to absolutely eat shit.” (cheering and applause) “They said it couldn’t be done,
but we did it. We did it.” I’m not gonna lie. I-I still can’t believe Mike
Bloomberg spent $500 million to not be president. No, like, I’m also not gonna be
the president, but I spent nothing. I… No, so, in a way, I feel like
I saved $500 million, you know? (applause) It really is.
That’s how I feel. -(cheering)
-And the funny thing is, the funny thing is,
right before he dropped out, Bloomberg bought more TV
airtime that he doesn’t need anymore. But I was thinking, like,
since he’s already paid for it, he should use it. Right? He should just come on TV
and share his random thoughts. “Hi, I’m Mike Bloomberg. “Have you ever noticed you’ve
never seen birds having sex? “Kind of weird, huh? Anyway, see you guys
in the next ad break.” (cheering and applause) He should just do that
the whole time. Now, the reason
Bloomberg is dropping out now, after just one bad night,
is that– you must remember– he entered the race to be
the moderate alternative to Bernie Sanders. But, last night, the voters were very clear that they already know
who they want their moderate candidate to be. REPORTER: The night belonged
to Joe Biden. -They don’t call it Super
Tuesday for nothing! –
(cheering) The former vice president
with a massive comeback on the biggest night
of the primary so far. REPORTER 2: A fired-up Joe
Biden
celebrating his historic night, racking up a string
of commanding victories, including a clean sweep
of states in the South and a stunning win
in delegate-rich Texas. The press and the pundits
had declared the campaign dead! -Tell that to the folks
in Virginia! -(cheering) -North Carolina!
-(cheering) -Alabama!
-(cheering) -Tennessee!
-(cheering) -Oklahoma!
-(cheering) -Arkansas!
-(cheering) -Minnesota!
-(cheering) Hey… That’s-that’s a Joe Biden
we haven’t seen in a while. Look at him, huh?
Smiling, full of energy, naming states
that actually exist. No, ’cause let’s be honest,
let’s be honest. We were all waiting
for him to give a shout-out to “Pennsyl-chusetts”! I’m serious. I don’t think
I’ve seen Biden this happy since that time Obama taught
him
how to ride a bike. This has been a while.
I mean… And, of course, of course, no Joe Biden speech
would be complete without a few moments
where the Wi-Fi dropped out. It’s a good night! -And it seems to be getting
even better! -(cheering) -By the way, this is
my little sister Valerie,
-No… and I’m Jill’s husband.
Oh, no. They– No, you switched on me.
This is my wife. This is my sister.
They switched on me. (cheering) No, Joe. Really? Joe Biden called his sister
his wife? That’s an awkward mistake. And if you are gonna talk
about your sister wife, you should have done it sooner, because then you could have won
Utah. (cheering and applause) Yeah. Oh, and, by the way… “Hi, I’m Mike Bloomberg. “I was thinking,
how does a train turn around? Anyway, see you guys
next ad break.” Now, the sister wife thing
was just a silly gaffe that didn’t derail the night. What did cause a bit of concern was when two protestors
stormed the stage. REPORTER: During Biden’s
speech,
protestors rushing the stage. You see it there,
coming within feet of the former vice president and Dr. Jill Biden, his wife. One woman was swiftly removed by the former vice president’s
body man. Then, moments later,
see it again. A second protestor
storming onto the stage. REPORTER 2: Symone Sanders,
his senior advisor, -she just comes out of nowhere,
-Look, she takes her out. flies onstage and rips one
of the protestors off. REPORTER 3: Dr. Jill Biden
protecting her husband by shoving off a protestor
that was storming the stage. Her response?
“I’m a Philly girl.” Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. That… Jill Biden. See that? Stepped in
and blocked that protester like a white lady Jackie Chan.
Bam! -(laughter) -I mean,
I knew she was a doctor. I just didn’t know her PhD
was in ass-whipping. That was amazing. And it wasn’t just Biden’s
wife. Yeah, his senior campaign
advisor, Symone Sanders– did you see that? She handled that protester
like a professional bodyguard. Hell, Biden’s got more women
protecting him than T’Challa. -Like, he’s just killing it
out here. -(laughter, applause) No wonder
he’s winning the black vote. So overall, overall,
it was a good night for Biden. But don’t forget–
this contest is far from over. Because this race is all
about winning delegates, right? Not just states, but delegates. And even with his good night
last night, Biden is still basically
neck and neck with Bernie in the delegate count,
all right? And up until this point, these two have been super
friendly on the campaign trail. Laughing,
hugging at the debates. But something tells me
those days might be over. WOMAN: This morning,
it’s now a two-man race. Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders already sharpening his attacks
against Biden. One of us in this race
led the opposition to the war in Iraq. You’re looking at him. (applause and cheering) Another candidate voted
for the war in Iraq. (booing, clamoring) One of us has spent
his entire life fighting against cuts
in Social Security, and wanting
to expand Social Security. (applause and cheering) Another candidate has been
on the floor of the Senate calling for cuts to Social
Security, Medicare, Medicaid -and veterans programs.
-(booing, clamoring) “That’s right.
One of us is a bitch-ass. The other person is me.” (laughter,
applause and cheering) “You know who I’m talking
about. Spread the word.” Yeah, people, you can see. The gloves are officially off. -The dentures are in.
-(laughter) And things… things are about
to get messy between these two. Not just because there’s
Vicks VapoRub everywhere. No, because
this is the homestretch to find out who will be
the Democratic nominee. And Bernie, if you’re gonna
attack Joe Biden, I wish you the best of luck. But remember not
to get too close, because then,
you’ll have to deal with Jill.

100 comments

  1. Good job glossing over the fact that it was a two man race due to eleventh hour drop outs who were likely promised positions of power for their cooperation. Also good job covering a flip flopping fake progressive candidate who stayed in just long enough to siphon votes from a real progressive. It is almost as if your comedy program has an agenda favoring the continued corporate ownership of our political system.

  2. Of course Elizabeth flopped hard in Massachusetts because that state has highest average IQ of all US states and she's virtue singling idiot.

  3. Bloomberg releases new anti-Trump ad http://a.msn.com/01/en-us/BB10O94z?ocid=st2
    Now we know what Bloomberg is doing with his 7M in ads. Anit-Trump ads! I love it!

  4. That was not funny at all and as funny as his meet the candidate episodes where I am very disappointed

  5. biden is a corporate clown. Why don't people see how he is being courted by the multinational corporations. What does that mean – it means Grass Roots People/common people get the short stick again.

  6. I'm voting for Bernie because I want to see him debating Trump, it will be one heck of Netflix series! I don't need other reason.

  7. A President Bernie Sanders will work hard for all of the millions of Americans from coast to coast! President Bernie Sanders will be building a Healthy Body, Mind, and Spirit with the American People, Small businesses, Communities and Neighborhoods.

    biden will be working for a few hundred multinational corporate owners but not even for the real people who actually make the money for their owners.

  8. In a way this is encouraging…b/c it proves you CAN'T just buy the Presidency. Bloomberg outspent everyone and got zilch. That's good. That's a good sign for the country, where we've often thought that elections were simply bought.

  9. I know it’s a comedy show but it’s not a gaffe to call his wife his sister. He has clear dementia. It’s sad and he’s not fit to be president.

  10. Trevor Noah, you’re breathlessly excited 😜-calm down! Biden winning is NOT that exciting! He probably doesn’t even know that he’s the Democratic Party frontrunner 🤦‍♀️

  11. wow! 500 mil. hey lil johnny. ya the one with cancer. not you, the 3 year old. fuck you. i want to be president. so i am gonna drop 500 mil to advertisers instead of donating to your hospital.

  12. Joe Biden  Just talking….doing…achieving nothing for the American people…rich or poor…prefer doing business for his son and Ukraine…and that's it…

  13. Bloomberg… Bloomshit… If Biden wins, more of your sons and daughters are going to die in wars… good luck… He can't even string his sentences together…

  14. Biden had to withdraw from the 1988 primaries in disgrace because he repeatedly lied and stole from other people's speeches word for word over a period of many years. He also plagerised when he was in college. That's the mark of a man who doesn't have a single original idea in his head.

  15. I really Really want to see these two guys in a debate, sitting in easy chairs with a glass of scotch and a cigar. <cough> "Don't get me started on the problems going on today. <cough hack> It's these damn hippies. And what's with this guy going to Korea? Why aren't we invading? What?..When?..for how long? I gotta go, my shows are on."

  16. uh… ok this is so obvious… but if its ONLY about winning against trump. Just join forces and call the other running mate. who ever is nominated, the other is running mate. just switch it up.

    combine forces! #berniebiden2020 (alphabetical order)

  17. The protestors were actually protesting something that really matters to the whole world: "Let Dairy Die". #GoVegan

  18. Mike Bloomberg spent 500 million dollars in ads. The US population is only 357 million. If he would have gave 1 million dollars to every voter would he have won the election? I guess I would call this a missed investment? Just a thought.

  19. "The original 6000" candidates? I saw how was in the bottom row. No, didn't catch the rest, I saw it once on full speed, and don't need to check them all, and it would make me feel bad, because so many came and went I would never recognize.

  20. Republicans have called Social Security radical socialism, communist, impossible or unsustainable since that law was first introduced while they get taxpayer provided pensions and health plans for life. Remember, "I won't cut Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security like every other Republican."- Don the Con Trump https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/verify/verify-yes-trumps-budget-plan-calls-for-lower-medicare-medicaid-and-social-security-funding/507-2fea8f5f-aa2b-4f09-9e4b-2fbbdcfc2014 Trump's austerity budgets gut all 3 and public education after his tax scam looted the Treasury for multinationals, oligarchs and gifted the Trump dynasty an estimated billion. As a New York real estate mogul known as the Queen of Mean explained, "Only little people pay taxes." What more could we expect from a corrupt con man who opposes a legal livable wage, is infamous for not paying employees or taxes and told us, "That makes me smart"?
    Who hasn't seen the Don Trump threaten whistleblowers, witnesses, "rats", "human scum" or civil war? https://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/trump-warns-of-civil-war-if-hes-removed-some-followers-are-listening
    Before the selfdisclosed serial predator endorsed alleged pedophile Judge Roy Moore (whose answer to the question, "When was America great?" was under slavery) he also told us, "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and not lose any votes." What does that say about us? Better to be Fox than be targeted as an "enemy of the people"?
    "Call it democracy or call it democratic socialism there has to be a better distribution of wealth in this country for all god's children." – Martin Luther King who was also called a communist who hates America and was told to go back to Africa.
    https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/verify/verify-yes-trumps-budget-plan-calls-for-lower-medicare-medicaid-and-social-security-funding/507-2fea8f5f-aa2b-4f09-9e4b-2fbbdcfc2014

  21. Oh my goodness. The sister wife messed up is so embarrassing! He needs to spend time with family at home and get taken care of… he might be a good guy, but he can’t manage to make decisions for our country

  22. im sorry but that was too funny! IVe grown to enjoy this channel and content alot! "Gloves are off, denchers are in" hahaahah gosh damn

  23. Bernie's supporters are on social media while Biden's are out there voting for him. If the people of Vermont can give Joe Biden more than 20% of the votes in a 5-man race, then I don't know what you folks are whining about here. Let me break your hearts today: The race will be over on Tuesday after Bernie is smoked in Michigan. Bernie was just lucky that there was early voting in the states on super Tuesday, else the raced would have been over on that day.

  24. Ok. So Mike Bloomberg spent 500 billion US dollars for basically nothing. I'm from Finland and I just checked, our GDP for 2019 was less than 300 billion US dollars…🤔 So since you have that ridiculously rich people in your country, someone tell me how much they pay taxes? I mean the tax%.

  25. Michigan vote for Bernie Sanders!! He is the only one willing to stand up for your rights and fighting for true change!!

  26. Biden is not gonna help us outta this mess Trump created….we want Bernie. Corporate assholes need to pay their fairshare and quit putting it all on us middle class who are now losing our middle class status due to corporate greed.

  27. They will not get my vote. Biden is a racist and Bernie doesnt have my agenda at heart which is reparations and the prosecution of white supremacy like the amber guygers and other racist cops!!!

  28. Continue what Bernie started. He knows at this point it's very unlikely he gets the nomination but it's more about the movement I guess. The young people will some day be the majority. They will live in a broken environment eventually. Don't give up.

  29. My grandfather confused me with his little sister sometimes… but we didn't call his cognitive decline "gaffes," we called it Dementia.

  30. 500 million dollars I'm from South Africa that's definitely more than our gdp his worse than Jeb that's a new low

  31. Why does Bernie Sanders Hair look like the Crazy Professor in the Movie "Back to the Future..?" Great Scott..!

  32. Trump wrote Bloomberg"s exit speech? Bloomberg: We did something many people though couldn't be done? 🤣🤣🤣Now he's endorsing Biden, in an attempt to get his money back if Biden wins it all. Bloomberg know's #Bernie2020! will tax him even further, on top of what he already lost.

  33. VoteForBernie.org <<< Please make sure you are registered to vote in time to vote for Bernie in your state's Primary.

    It is us against the wealthy establishment. It is us against the oligopoly media, the political party elites who are out of touch and bought, against billionaire individuals and companies who've bought our government and laws to maintain greed over basic human needs. We only have a CHANCE to win if you put in some work by knocking and calling. Our only chance to win is by human connection:

    https://berniesanders.com/volunteer/

  34. Even if Bernie wins the delegate count the DNC will pull out their super delegates and Bernie will not be allowed to be the nominee . He will then endorse Biden and throw his movement and his millions of supporters under the bus all in an effort to keep his word to the DNC and all the other dishonest establishment elites that have cheated him . Bernie running independent is the only chance to beat Trump .I wish Bernie also believed that .

  35. Trump is an intelligent sales man and I know many of you here will lose your minds hearing that. You see, from the beginning Trump created a false impression that Biden would be his toughest opponent knowing fully that Biden is unelectable and a weak candidate. He knew creating that impression would rally the democratic base to selected Biden for the top of the ticket. So far everything is going to his plan. It is true that despite Trump's unpopularity, (which I don't understand practically) Biden at this time wasn't more popular than Hillary.

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